Not after everything that happened today. This is the 'net after all and I don't want to fully divulge but I just feel so bottled up inside. I haven't had a moment to myself, a solitary moment for anything to sink in. Until now. The rain is splashing against the windowsills collecting into muted puddles and i'm alone. If I try to sleep I fear the sadness will overtake me. I fear what the darkness will unleash. But if I stare at this screen until the smallish hours of the morning i'll miss out on some much cherished time with my little man. Not to mention i'll feel even worse.
The anxiety today has been enough to turn my stomach into knots and send my limbs shaking. Not eating didn't help and I just need to get it out. I'm afraid I won't be able to stop, to contain myself. I finally dulled my aching mind, who knows what I feel. What I might feel, already do feel, don't want to feel.
A long time coming. It's so odd to always know that someday things will inevitably happen. Then someday becomes now. Before you know it. And everything changes with a snap of time's fingers before you can blink. Nothing will be the same soon.
I just don't want to talk about it over the internet yet I feel something needs to be said, even if i'm the only one who understands what these words mean. And if you ask, I will tell you. At this hour I have no one. No one to tell, no one to talk to. Just me and these keys.
And I don't feel an ounce better..but it does feel right.
~B.
