Amid Absolution

The heading isn't entirely true. Is such a thing actually possible? I often doubt it.

I haven't done much writing as much as the urge has been driving me to. My son has taken to a roll-of-the-die occurance to napping, you never know if he will or not. I haven't been feeling well. Pairing that with how hard I am on myself and here I sit in the hours of stillness- alone, cold, and thinking too much. I don't have alot to report really.

I can't quite figure me out.

There are parts of me that have been stifled over the years and they cause me such sadness it is almost palpable. But I keep on behind the mask and the frosty air, the formidable wall and iron gate. All that symbolic crap. Sometimes I wonder if the things which ail have gotten worse. Or if I am led to believe so. Maybe it is really I who have led myself.

Well, I know the muse will always win over my weak will. I will need to purge with my pen in hand, it's as inevitable for me as breathing. So many things seemingly beyond my control. Until then.....

~B.