I think I will always think of her every time another New Year begins without her. Jenny was one of those rare people who you instantly loved. Seeing her smile was like feeling a hug wrap around you, she was amazing. Incredibly beautiful, intelligent, hilarious, and just a little raw. She was a pleasant surprise once she unfolded new things to you. I met her when we worked together. I miss our talks so much and goofing off. I never got to see her one last time.
It's been seven years. Absolutely doesn't feel like it. She was only 21. Damn.
My grandmother, my entire heart and soul before I knew my son, and Jenny share a birthday. My grandmother passed in 1994, Jenny in 2004. Little peculiar. They say time heals but not in every case. My heart still aches thinking of my grandmother, I miss her as much as I did that November day.
So, in memory of my ladies....I began reflecting on life. My gram died unhappy and never wanted to, always said the point of life was love, happiness, joy. I think i'm missing the point of life, have missed much of it over the years. Feeling time slipping away from you is terrifying once you become a parent. It's more pressing.
And the fact that you no longer have this existence to live makes me feel foolish, the way I have let things become. Decisions I made. But reality is the resulting view. I could be more grateful for what I have. I've always made a point to cherish every moment with my son but the rest of my life is sadly lacking. I miss my family. I miss the taste of freedom, the feel of it on my skin. The most I had done last year was apply myself with my writing. I was given a life and i'm not really living it. Depression and matters out of my hands withstanding, change needs to come. As much as I dread her little pointed face.
I love you, J.
~B.
No comments:
Post a Comment